and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
