I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
