Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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