summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
