Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Randomize
