I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
