haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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