I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
