booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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