why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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