Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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