I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
