i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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