her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
