please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
