I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
