it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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