I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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