just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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