I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
