I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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