I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
where are my eyebrows?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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