I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
