I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
my liver is dry heaving
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
