note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Farmville is her only friend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
