Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
