Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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