why didn't you poke me back
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
