Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
