Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
