this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
