I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the day after is always just damage control
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
