Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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