He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
