I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
