I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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