what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
