Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
