Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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