I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
