so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
