I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
4 words: hood of his car
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
