Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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