I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
time to smoke my breakfast
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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