We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
