I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
