Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
