I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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