My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
