Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
