He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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