you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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