i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
